4 Key Factors in Using GLP
- Use “I” statements not “one” or “you,” but “I.” Imagine if a friend were to say to you, “I’ve always had a hard time giving my spouse critical feedback.” Now imagine, instead, they said, “Don’t bother trying to give your spouse critical feedback, it will always results in disaster.” Consider how the first example makes you feel compared to the second.
- Speak in specifics not generalities. If I were to say, “all men are workaholics” that would be a generality. Instead if I were to say, “my dad and my business partner are workaholics” that would be specific.
- Ask “How” not “Why” to prevent defensiveness. If I were to say “Why didn’t you fire your bookkeeper when you found out he was stealing from you?”, it may sound like an attack. Instead, if I were to say, “How did you reach the decision on whether or not to fire your bookkeeper”, it’s likely you’d be more open to sharing your thought process behind the decision.
- Make a statement to declare your position before you ask a question. This can be important because sometimes a question can make us feel like we’re being tested. Like we better respond with the same opinion as the speaker. If we can state our position first, we can often disarm the other person so as to not surprise them with a judgment of their response. For example, saying something like, “I was really surprised at how Maxine responded to Duane’s comment with such curtness. Did you feel similarly?” can be much easier to respond to than a more ambiguous comment like, “What did you think of how Maxine responded to Duane’s comment?”
